"If your spouse is willing to cheat on you, then they feel that you're worth losing" ~ Bruce Cameron
There is no wonder I feel totally worthless.
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About Me
- kissmekate
- This blog is my journey through the rollercoaster of emotions experienced when one partner goes beyond the boundaries of marriage. Experience the highs and the lows associated with infidelity, the raw emotion the hurt partner experiences. Who knows how this journey will end....'cause I don't. Come along for the ride and travel the path with me .....it could be an interesting journey!
23 comments:
When I have been with someone, and the opportunity presented itself I would say I don't want to fuck this up, so I guess thats a much eloquently way of saying the same thing.
If I had sex everytime I said fuk I'd be bow legged..
now thats an auto signature !
I've had this very same thought run through my mind so many times...if you really value the person you're with you would never jeapordize the relationship. When I'm in a relationship I can't even LOOK at another man...
But maybe there lies the fundamental difference between men and women. For most women, sex is usually an emotional bond. For men, well, its just a pleasurable act that doesn't necessarily mean anything...
I guess the tough part is finding a partner who feels the same way you do about a relationship. If you aren't in an open relationship and you can't be faithful, then what's the point?
Do not let His behaviour make YOU feel worthless Kate!
It is HIS charactor flaw NOT yours hun, if anyone should feel sub standard human it should be him.
my therapist told me not to validate myself through my husband's eyes. And he's right! Why should our self-worth have anything to do with how a cheating husband sees us? That's ridiculous, the problem is with them not with us.
He said that cheaters do not find happiness - no matter how many women they are involved with because they are not "insightful". They lack the ability to see what's wrong with themselves and instead blame shift to other people including the mistress and the innocent spouse.
I'm telling you this because it's helped me tremendously. My therapist has written two New York Times best sellers on domestic issues- he's not just any run of the mill guy.
Sunshine this is marriage No. 3 and he played up on his second wife, not sure about the first. Any answer Lara?
I guess the biggest difference here is that he chose to walk away from those marriages. He also chose to walkaway from this one, but for some reason he came out of the fog and realised he wanted the marriage, so came back.
I had already let him go in my heart and head, after he told me he was in love with her, and I am having a great deal of difficulty accepting him back.
I am quite happy to be single and I usually do not give second chances. If you want to be here then great...if you don't then leave.
Nalini I could not have sex with him even if I was really horny! There have been occasions where I have cried after sex because it felt like there was no love involved. I know he did not feel that way, but I did.
Lara - I know this is really his issue, but it does impact on me.
Solaris - what great advice. I realise that he has looked outside to get what he felt he needed and deep down I know that he will never find what it is that he keeps searching for unless he looks within. He has even told me this.
But it still hurts, really hurts.
I guess part of the reason it hurts is because when we marry, we become 'one' with our husbands, and then when that is ripped in half we are often left standing trying to work out everything around us, including trying to work out ourselves.
So because we have been 'one' I guess we do tend to validate ourselves through our 'other half'.
My manager at my then job told me he was often spotted with a woman in his car, I know about one of the girls he was besotted with. I would park outside her house , not sure why, but I could have become obsessed with her. Nicole Cornes he claims stripped in front of him after he gave her a lift home one night, what does one do when a woman gets naked in front of you. Umm those I know about..
Not much fun at 23 discovering your not good enough.
oh yes, Kate you are so right! I still am trying to validate myself, dont' get me wrong. This is why I am seeing a psychologist. Between us here (with the blog being private),I'm suffering from such a deep depression - I just cannot understand for the life of me why he did what he did. At times, the pain is so great, I do not want to be bothered with life itself
It's been a year since my husband left - haven't heard a word from him at all. Totally disappeared. Only his mistress writes me, and I hate it.
As for becoming one with my husband, it's almost unbearable that now he has become one with that Colleen monster. Now that evil woman knows all of our marital secrets, and she knows all about me and it pains me half to death. (and you see how she rubs it in my face, don't you?)
OH and Lara, was that the girl who supposedly left a wet mark on his trousers?? I can't see how he can be so cruel telling you that shit.
Sorry guys, the topic makes me ill
oh yea lets not forget the naked luncheons where the girls sat on his lap leaving wet marks, nice of him to let me know, wanted to make sure i washed em lol
If I can survive anyone can..
he's something else. I would have thrown myself out the nearest window!
well, um wait, it's not as if the same thing didn't happen to me.. lol
Come again Lara?
The wet spot on his pants......OK.
Um Lara email me the name of the one you knew about and I will see what comes from it.
And the view from an old fashioned man...
Guys are more visually motivated, but what grabs our attention and what you do about it are two different things. Now the idea that guys can't control themselves, put a nude woman in front of them and they go into auto-fuck, would be the definition of crazy, someone who could not control themselves.
Obviously someone you deeply care about can wound you so much deeper than just anybody. But it is so important to know your worth is not judged by that person. Remember that in God's eyes you are always loved and that is all that really matters.
I am not criticizing your wounded feeling, it is very understandable, but it is vital to deeply plant your self esteem in firm ground. It should have been safe with your spouse, but it wasn't.
Wishing you and Sol the best in strengthening those roots.
Cant remember her name but she lived near a hospital near the race course in town, it was her he sent flowers too that i discovered after finding a bankcard statement he had hidden in his work desk . but ya know I dont even care now,time heals all wounds even if ya dont forget
Sol, Thanks for that courageous statement. I'm so glad you've found a good source of help.
It is so very important to reach out during your depression.
Know that you can reach out to your readers for support anytime. Take care.
Oh guys, my heart bleeds...and I have to admit, although I KNOW there are some really great guys out there I'm gonna be a bit hesitant about any man I meet from this day forth.
Lara, I too know what its like to be young, and have other men interested in you, and ironically the man you're with cheats on you. Your ex sounds like a real piece of work...sigh.
Sol, it sounds like your ex put you through a hell of a lot...I'm so sorry about everything you had to go through. I'm glad you're getting help for your problem, but, your ex was a man with some serious issues, perhaps he just could not see past himself.
I agree with jq75, there will always be a point where a decision is made. An honorable man will always step back. The trick is finding that man...easier said than done.
Perhaps there are some people who are simply built not to see the flaws in themselves, who cannot differentiate right or wrong, whatever reason that may be. Its crushing to think how their selfish actions can impact the people who love them most...and I truly believe that is the worst sort of sin. To hurt someone who cares the most about you.
Naline for me that was exactly what crushed me, when you wrote
Its crushing to think how their selfish actions can impact the people who love them most...and I truly believe that is the worst sort of sin. To hurt someone who cares the most about you.
but you know when i find a man worthy of marriage he will be one lucky bastard lol
Sunshine - you got it!
Yeah, it just takes the right man to appreciate you.
I've heard that one before, but I do prefer
"I don't need anyone who thinks they can do better than me!"
It has more power. And I am not suggesting anything...It's just a comment I heard once and it stuck with me.
Di that one is also powerful, isn't it?
Thanks for your words and thoughs.
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