Battered and bruised I feel like I have nothing left. No part of me is unscathed. I wear the bruises of the betrayal that has been thrust upon me. I still bleed and many days I cry uncontrollably.
My day to day life is still rocked with pain, anger and scepticism. Every sense is on full alert, just waiting to come to life.
As one injury begins the slow healing process, another part of me tears open after the slightest knock, and once again I bleed uncontrollably.
Despite the many band aids that have been applied to my wounds, I remain extremely fragile.
My blog is my sanctuary, a place for me to vent my anger at my husbands betrayal as I slowly pick up the pieces of my life.
My world was shattered by the selfishness of my husband and a woman who thought she had the right to enter into a relationship with my husband, a woman who basically threw herself at him, buying him christmas gifts before they were even involved, emailing him after she attended a promotional function that MANY local residents attend each year, and even inviting him to a party she was holding at her place of residence.
This woman went and booked herself an interstate plane flight and accommodation without his knowledge when she found out he was going interstate. She could not afford to put food on the table for her children, but yet used her child support to pay for a plane flight and accommodation to spend less than 24 hours with her lover.
This woman continued to email and call despite his return to the marriage. This woman called my mother in law to beg her to talk to her son to get him to leave me once again and go back to her. This woman emailed my husband's work colleagues, announcing to them that she was his mistress.
This woman was desperate in many ways and has continued to make my life hell by hacking into my emails and blog accounts, following me through blogland, posting on the blogs that she KNOWS I read.
My confidence has been shattered along with my belief in people. I am trying to rebuild my confidence in people but struggle. So I come here, to my blog, to vent and gain support from those cherished readers that have helped me through the worst 12 months of my life. You don't know me, but somehow you feel my pain. You comfort me without judgement.
It pains me that as I begin to rebuild my trust in people that once again my world is shattered by a person that I thought would not betray me, a person I thought cared, a person I thought I could trust.
A fellow blogger has shone her light on many of us in our moments of need and we have all looked up to her when we have been down. But all is not what it appears. Those words of wisdom that she gives, just like rays of sunshine, burn if you get too close, and once again I wear the blisters and pain.
She is a friend of the mistress. I can deal with that, because I am not judgemental. I do not have a problem with her having access to this blog because she told me that I could trust her.
Stupid me.
Naive me.
I believed her.
I recently read her blog and realised that the anonymous comments on her blog were from the mistress. The mistress has a very distinctive writing style so it was clearly obvious to me. I did not want to tread on toes, this was a friend of the mistress and I had no right to expect the friend to take my side. Nor did I wish to leave myself open for any further pain.
So I sent her an email, an email that showed my willingness to be mature about things, an email that showed my willingness to reside in blogland without wanting another round of problems, an email that really does show that I HAVE moved on.
It read:
From: Kate JonesSent: Tuesday, 28 August 2007 8:54 AMTo: other bloggerSubject: RE: It is you!
Hi Other blogger,
Nothing more to explain re my statcounter. It was just a mystery stat reading my invitation only blog that was showing up as a (my hometown) address......and it was you! Case complete!
We are going to counselling on a fortnightly basis and it really is going well. We both get a lot out of the sessions and Charlie is starting to take FULL responsibility for his behaviour and the way he has treated me over the last 10 years. Don’t get me wrong , because it has not all been bad. We had a very strong relationship and were very much in love. We just drifted apart after the birth of our last child and I once again succumbed to post natal depression. Charlie just did not know how to cope and as a result turned his back and channelled his energies into other areas, which in turn made me worse because I just needed him.
“do this on a good day though”
Oh how wise you are! I still have bad days, or possibly I can now safely say bad spells, because they are no longer days in length.
I have been reading your blog as always. I love reading your blog and your comments because you are so insightful and full of wisdom and sunshine.
However, it is very obvious to me that your anon commenter is 'the mistress'. I am not going to tread anywhere that may cause me grief, so as much as it upsets me, I can no longer comment on your blog. Please rest assured that I will continue to read your posts only ( not interested in reading the comments), with a smile on my face.
I also understand if you should choose not to read my blog anymore, not that I get much of a chance anymore to write :-(
But I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so supportive with your emails and comments during what has been the worst 12 months of my life.
Take care
Kate
So when someone sent me links today to the new blog of the mistress I was rather upset to see that this very same person had gone back on her word of not discussing me with the mistress. Not only did she discuss me, but she sent the mistress details of the email I had sent to her.
"With regards to the other, I had a very interesting email the other day regarding the anon comments on my blog. I'll email you."and then
"Full explanation should be in your inbox now ;)"I cannot understand how one can so quickly and easily break the trust between another. I am a woman of my word, so simply cannot fathom how one can do such a thing and betray someone so easily. How do you just break someone's confidence like that?
It would be so easy for me to post details of the emails shared with certain others that would incriminate them beyond comprehension. I can assure you someone who recently stated "You are my favourite aussie blogger" would run with their tail between their legs if I posted details of some of the things that they told me in confidence about their "favourite aussie blogger".
But you know what? Despite the circumstances I just could never break that confidence. I could never go against my word and stab them in the back. I could never sleep at night knowing that I broke their confidence and trust.
I guess it is a matter of integrity and I have come to learn that people that are so willing to become the third person in a marriage, and those that support them in doing so, seem to lack the all important factor of integrity.
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